


Death Threaded the Tapestry

by Beb



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Thor (Marvel), Temporary Character Death, Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), Whump, mention of Thanos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29714979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beb/pseuds/Beb
Summary: "The Tesseract or your brother's head?" Thanos had said, and Thor gulped, looking at his brother, Loki's eyes met his, and even though he couldn't speak, the look on his terrified face seemed to say,'it's okay. I understand,'Because Thor couldn't give up the Tesseract, knowing it would mean deaths of half the universe.
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 95





	Death Threaded the Tapestry

**Author's Note:**

> An AU where Thor was in Loki's place, and Loki was in Thor's, in the Statesman Scene in Infinity War. Thor chose the lives of half the universe over his brother and regretted it deeply. But in the end Loki came back with the rest of those who turned into dust. Still Thor was drown in guilt. Things were far from easy for the both of them.
> 
> I've seen quite a number of amazing authors write this before so I thought I'd give it a try, too. In my own version. Basically it's kind of a mixture of fix-it and angst because Loki was resurrected and he and Thor reunited, but it was with the hard-to-swallow pill; Thor sacrificed him. It was a tough decision and it destroyed Thor, but it didn't change the fact Thor deliberately let Loki die.
> 
> Because I'm a sucker for angst and hurt/comfort but hey! Loki lives and he and Thor are together again.
> 
> Originally posted on my Wattpad and decided I'd cross post it here, too.

"The Tesseract or your brother's head?" Thanos had said, and Thor gulped, looking at his brother whose life was in the Titan's hands. Loki's teary, fearful eyes met his, and even though he couldn't speak, the look on his terrified face seemed to say, 'it's okay. I understand,' Because Thor couldn't give up the Tesseract, knowing it would mean the deaths of half the universe.

_But Loki. ___

__But he couldn't. Thor would die for him if he could. Though he simply could not let trillions die, no matter how hard Thor wished he was selfish enough to do so._ _

__When life faded away from Loki's eyes and his body was tossed to the ground, limp and unmoving like a rag doll, Thor felt something in him shatter as he fell on his knees._ _

__Crawling to Loki's corpse and clinging onto him, sobbing on his chest, wouldn't bring him back. Thor did all of it, anyway. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Loki."_ _

_________

____

____

After the dust settled and the war was over, all Thor saw was Loki. Loki here in flesh and bone, Loki alive and breathing. Loki. Thor stumbled, staggered footsteps that turned into quick and urgent running once he was close enough. He seized Loki, pulling him into his chest and crashing his bones (not literally) in an extremely tight embrace, weeping frantically with his face buried in the crook of Loki's neck. "You're back," Thor choked between his sobs. "You're back. You're really here." He hugged Loki tighter, like he was afraid someone was going to take his brother away from him again. His brother; the only family he had left.

____

Loki hugged back. Though it was more of two hands resting lightly on Thor's back than anything else. His chin on Thor's shoulder and he looked... fragile. Like the wind could knock him over. "Thor," Loki said, voice hoarse and hardly audible. He leaned into Thor, seeking all the closure and comfort he could get after having been dead, cold and alone, for five years. (After Thor let him die, but Loki didn't have it in his heart to hold it against him. It was the right thing to do.)

____

"I'm so sorry," Thor sounded miserable. "Norns, I'm so — I'm so sorry,"

____

"Don't be," Loki said. "You didn't have a choice." But even that sounded like a lie to both of them, no matter how badly they wanted to believe it as truth. _The Tesseract or your brother's head. _Thor did have a choice back then, and Thor chose to have Loki murdered. It was... that simple.__

____

_________________________________ _

____

__Thor took him home and gave him a room that had always been reserved.... for him. No, Thor didn't know he'd get Loki back; it was more of his way of mourning than false hope — it turned out not to be false, after all — save one room empty and imitate it as close to his brother's old chamber on Asgard as possible, even though it looked barely alike, in size and in glory, for their new home was small and plain, and hardly anything more than four walls and a roof, definitely no match for Asgard's elegant castle made of nothing but pure gold — their old home that was now specks of dust floating in space._ _

____

__Loki gave Thor a small nod, mumbling something that sounded like a thank you before entering the room and softly, quietly closing the door._ _

____

__Thor ought to say something, only that words stubbornly refused to leave his lungs, and he stood there, in front of the closed door, with his lips slightly parted. He ought to say something about what happened on Statesman. They ought to say something about that because so far it was just Thor saying sorry, while crying on Loki's shoulder, and Loki telling him he didn't have a choice (lie) and they left the matter at that, which felt wrong._ _

____

___You didn't even say what you're sorry for, _spoke the voices in Thor's head. _You didn't even have the guts to say out loud you sacrificed your own brother. _Thor held up a fist, but never had the courage to knock. He stood there for a long while, not knowing what to do, before eventually walked away.____ _ _

____

_____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _

____

______That night Loki dreamt, not of sunshine or his happy childhood life with Thor but of pain and death; Thanos' hand around his throat, his lungs burnt and threatened to explode from the lack of oxygen, and Thor — Thor was there and Thor was the one who could save him. Except he didn't. He stood there, allowed the excruciating death to claim Loki slowly (too slow. He wished it was over fast.) Loki felt the dreadful pressure, the crack in his neck, red spots blooming behind his eyelids._ _ _ _ _ _

____

______He woke with a start, hands reflectively jerked up to reach his neck only for him to jerk it back down with a wince. (Any touch, didn't matter how light, on his neck now brought back painful memories, too painful memories.)_ _ _ _ _ _

____

______Loki sat there in the dark, alone on the bed, as he tried to get his breathing under control._ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______Thor let you die. ____ _ _ _ _ _

____

________But it was the right choice. The _only _choice. One life for thousands of trillions. Thor did what he had to do.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

___________But if the roles were reversed and you were in his place, you would have given up the Tesseract and saved him in a heartbeat, right? _Loki swallowed hard, because he knew the answer to the question the cruel voices were asking him; he could never stand seeing Thor in pain, let alone killed.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_____________It only stands to reason that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. You are expendable to him. Always have been. Always will be. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________"No," Loki whimpered, like a child trying to banish nightmares. He covered his ears with his hands, like it would spare him the voices in his own troubled, poisonous mind._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_____________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Thor had been trying to pinpoint what exactly was wrong. (Everything was wrong. Him choosing the lives of others over Loki. But he was trying to figure out what the worst of their many issues was, what needed to be fixed first, if Thor could fix a thing at all.) He'd been studying Loki's hard-to-read expression without making it obvious he was doing so._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Loki was... quiet, closed-off, more than his usual self was. He'd been pushing food around in his plate, barely ate. And he seemed distant, too. Not... here, mentally._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________"Is the food not to your liking?" Thor broke the silence, sitting across the table from his brother. (He knew the food wasn't the problem. Their problems lied far deeper than whether or not the breakfast he made was delicious enough.) Loki blinked, his head jerked up to meet Thor. And Thor asked, "Does it, you know, still hurt when you swallow?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________Pressure around his throat, crashing his bones. Blood running down his eyes, his nose, his mouth. His very life slipping away as he tried to hold onto it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________"Loki?" Thor's voice, thankfully, brought Loki back to reality. He blinked again, and the concern look on Thor's face confirmed how pale his face must have turned after flashbacks, of Thanos killing him, hit like a ton of bricks. Loki gingerly moved his hand up, reaching his own neck, but he moved it away before it could make contact. The bruises ringing his throat faded away, but not entirely, and Loki couldn't tell if the pain, he still sometimes felt, was really there or if it was just his mind battling severe PTSD._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________"No," Loki lied. "It doesn't. Not anymore."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________"You hardly eat. I can make you something else. Stew?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________"No, I'm — I'm not hungry, is all. But thank you,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________"Oh... you sure?" Thor's voice was soft and quiet, though in his head he pictured himself grabbing Loki's shoulders and shaking him. He thought, truthfully, he'd prefer Loki's rage. Anything would be better than Loki's silence and unnervingly submissive, like he had simply accepted it; his not being loved, his life not being important enough. Because these weren't true, were they? Thor wanted Loki to fight, to shout, to be angry, he wanted him not to believe such thing, not to accept that Thor made the right decision on Statesman. He wanted... Thor didn't know what he wanted, but he knew he didn't want this to be how things were between them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________"Yes, Thor. I'm sure," Loki smiled, it didn't reach his eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______________I let you die, _Thor almost blurted out. _Why aren't you at least angry with me? I deserve to be yelled at. For Norns' sake cut me with your knife. Anything. Anything at all but not this. Please, I can't have you believe your life matters less. Say something! ______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________A knock on their front door and Thor almost screamed at whoever it was to get lost._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________It was Korg. There was a bit of a situation in the village where the people of New Asgard resided. It wasn't too big a problem, but it required Thor's attendance as a king — their king._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________The last thing Thor wanted was to leave Loki alone even just for an hour or so, especially when he was positive his brother wasn't okay, and the conversation Thor wanted to have, it seemed they were pretending the matter — the elephant in the room — didn't exist._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________"I'll be back," Thor turned to Loki and said. Then, after a brief pause, added, "As soon as I can."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________"I'm not a child, Thor. I'll be fine on my own." Loki's smile was barely visible, could've been mistaken for a twitch of his lips._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________Thor had the urge to ask, _'Will you?' _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

___________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________He wanted to be back sooner. He'd tried, many times, to excuse himself so he could return a lot sooner. Things got more complicated than expected that it took him a whole day. By the time Thor came home it was almost dark, the sun hung dangerously low above the horizon and the house was... dark, too. Something doesn't feel right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________"Loki?" Thor called, carefully closed the door behind. Silence was the only answer he received. Or, it wasn't entirely silent. At first Thor thought it was the wind from outside. He listened closely and learned the sound came from inside, and it wasn't the wind at all. Hyperventilated breathing and something that could be a sob. Thor followed the noises until it led him to Loki in one corner, sitting on the floor, his back against the wall and his knees against his chest, hugging himself with his head held down. His shoulders rose each time he sobbed and his entire body was shaking._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________Thor's first thought was that someone had hurt him. He didn't know how but someone must have broken into the house and hurt him when he was away. Thor's next act was without thinking, which was probably a bad idea because the sudden contact Thor made when he rushed to Loki, who seemed to fail to notice Thor's arrival, resulted in Loki lashing out; thrashing, attempting to claw out Thor's eyes and break free from Thor's hold at the same time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________Thor was faster, stronger. His hands around Loki's wrists, his mouth kept repeating, "It's me, Loki. It's me!" But then Thor realized, looking into his brother's terrified and unseeing eyes, Loki wasn't here, mentally. Then he began to put the pieces together; no one hurt him. At least not as recent as in today but more like... five years ago. And Loki was suffering a panic attack, a mental breakdown from what had happened a very long time ago — precisely when Thor let him die a slow, painful death._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________Thor wished, suddenly, someone else was here. Anyone. Because anyone would be better than Thor; he was clueless about what to do to cool Loki down — Loki who kept fighting, trying to get away from him, crying more incoherent, pleading words that felt like knives to the heart. If Frigga were here, she would know what to do. But she wasn't. Would never be again. It was just Thor and Loki and nobody else. Just them. So Thor did the only thing he knew how, and crashed Loki against his chest, hugging him tight despite the way he squirmed and sobbed in his hold, Thor kept hugging. _Never let you go. I'll never let you go. Not again. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________________"Shhh," he whispered softly in his brother's ear, hand cradled the back of his head. "It's just me. You're safe, Loki. You're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore," Thor didn't know how much Loki understood, if he heard him at all, but Thor kept trying; holding him so tight yet at the same time so gentle like he might break like fragile glass, whispering soothing promises, hoping it reached him and that he wasn't too far gone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_______________________What have you done? _Whispered the poisonous voices, the ones Thor had tried burying them down as deep as he could, they kept coming back and they calculated, patiently waited for the moment, in which he was weak, to strike. _You let him die. You stood there and watched your brother die. ______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_____________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________________Thor liked to believe his presence had eventually managed to comfort Loki in the end. He knew Loki's finally calming down was most likely due to him exhausting himself to sleep and not because of Thor's help._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________________The _why _didn't matter, Thor told himself. What matters is that Loki's no longer having an episode. He was sleeping, which meant he couldn't hurt himself. For now.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________________(Thor had gathered him off the floor and to the bed where he'd be comfortable under the layers of blankets.)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________________He sat there, next to Loki's bed because Thor was afraid his going anywhere else, even if it was merely a trip to the bathroom, would mean the risk of Loki waking up alone, during Thor's absence, and starting another episode of panic attack. He sat there with his gloomy face, his eyes weren't outright teary though they were bloodshot, like there was so much hurt within them. Thor sat there unable to shift his gaze away from Loki. The bruises around his throat were barely visible, but it was still there and Thor could still see it even through it was dark. _You did this. You gave Thanos the permission to kill your own brother. How does that make you any different than a murderer? _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________________________"I'm so sorry, Loki." When Thor spoke there was a drop of tear rolling down his cheek, he didn't bother wiping it away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_____________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________________________Thor spent the next two days not catching a glimpse of Loki. It was frustrating. He couldn't say for sure that Loki purposefully avoided him, because technically Loki hadn't been avoiding Thor. He just... locked himself in his room. After what happened that day, the stunt he pulled, Loki woke and Thor was by his side and he didn't physically throw Thor out of the room nor did he scream at Thor to leave. What he did, Thor thought, was probably worse; Loki had simply curled in on himself, turning away from Thor, and said, "I'm tired." His voice just a faint whisper, but the message was vivid nonetheless — he wanted to be alone. And that Thor understood. It was the way Loki had acted that disturbed him; his looking utterly defeated. Broken. Just a shell of who he once was. Damaged and lost. And Thor wished there was something he could do to help. How could he ever help when he was the one who let him die? Whatever words Thor might wish to speak, caged within his lungs. He reached out a hand and hovered it above Loki's shoulder, with Loki lying on his side with his back facing Thor, then he retracted the hand without making any contact, before leaving on silent footsteps._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________________________Though Thor was determined this time. He'd waited long enough for Loki to come out and talk on his own terms, but if Loki wanted to pretend like nothing was wrong when he clearly wasn't okay then Thor was going to come in there and talk. (Thor remembered; the last time Loki was not fine and they didn't talk, it ended in disaster. The look of self-destruction on his face as he hung on Bifrost bridge before he let go, if Thor still had nightmares about that day, he never brought it up.)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

______________________________He knocked three times on Loki's door and somehow wasn't surprised when Loki didn't answer. "Loki," Thor knocked again. "It's me, can you open up?" It took another moment. Thor rose a hand and was about to start banging when the door cracked open slowly. Thor took it upon himself to enter. The room was dim. Loki seated on the couch, seemingly unaware of Thor's presence though Thor knew he simply was ignoring him after using his magic to open the door. _Well, on the bright side, he at least let you in. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Loki tilted his head up to look at Thor with a somewhat too sweet a smile. It was when Thor caught it; the familiar scent lingering softly in the air around them, the slight shade of pink on Loki's cheeks, and Loki's smile that felt wrong. Thor knew right away what it was, and he was right when his eyes landed on an empty bottle on the floor, next to the couch._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________"Norns, Loki, you've been drinking?" It wasn't really a question. If anything Thor was upset with himself for leaving his liquor everywhere around the house where Loki could easily get his hands on._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________(Thor was pretty much fucked up before Loki returned. He used alcohol as his coping mechanism, and the last thing he wanted was for Loki to end up on the same path he once took. Thor made a mental note to get rid of the remaining bottles. He didn't need those anymore, and neither did Loki.)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________Loki shrugged. "Pretty good stuff you've got. I suppose I could use some drink after having been dead for half a decade,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________Thor involuntary grimaced at the... mention. The state Loki had been in because of Thor and how Loki spoke about it so casually. He was drunk. Chances were they weren't going to have the conversation Thor had hoped, but he was already in Loki's room (for some reason Thor doubted Loki would let him in, if he were to be sober. He should've seen it coming) and at least Loki wasn't so drunk that he was choking on his own vomit. At least he was still talking and, Thor hoped, coherent enough. He sighed, sitting on the edge of Loki's bed, facing him. "I just... wanted to talk," Thor paused and gulped. "About... what happened... on Statesman," he was studying Loki's face closely, carefully. Even intoxicated Thor thought he saw something cross Loki's expression. It was gone as soon as it appeared — too quick for Thor to pinpoint what it was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________"All right," Loki shrugged, again, but his shoulders looked tense and he looked somewhat guarded, even under his still-relax posture. Thor wondered, for a second, if Loki would've already bolted, should he were to be sober. "What is it you wanna talk about?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

_________________________________Isn't it obvious enough, _Thor wanted to shoot, because this was hard for him, too. And Loki wasn't making things any easier. He sighed again, smoothing out the emotions on his face that may exhibit overwhelming shame or anger, or both. "I wanted you to know that I regretted it every day. I didn't mean to..." But he did mean it, didn't he? Thanos had made it clear enough; the Tesseract or Loki's life, and Thor chose the first. "I'm —" He felt the lump in his throat. Guilt threatening to devour him alive, drown him with shame and disgust. "I'm sorry. If I could —"__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________________________Loki's chuckle interrupted Thor's speech. Thor didn't find anything about this funny._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________________________"Please," Loki licked his lips. Something about the smile still plastering across his face screamed wrong. "Don't strain yourself, Thor. Really. I appreciate you trying to... apologize? But it's not necessary. I understand,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________________________"You understand what?" _Because I don't think you do. _Thor didn't say the latter aloud.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________________________"I wasn't worth it. It was that simple. If you could go back, you wouldn't change a thing. And I don't expect you to."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________________________Thor had the strong, sudden urge to lung forward and shake some sense into him. The way Loki spoke... those things so nonchalantly like he meant it, like he believed it. Like it was a fact. Instead Thor froze on the spot, numbed. It felt as though someone had slapped him across the face. _No, no, you're drunk. You don't know what you're talking about. _But it was... that simple, wasn't it? A choice to be made, lives to be traded. Thor felt his stomach churn and his insides twist. _I wasn't worth it. It was that simple. _He was going to be sick._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________________"That is... not true," he said, or thought he said. Thor wasn't sure which was the case until Loki replied (so he must have said it then.)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________________"Is it?" Loki tilted his head slightly to the side. "The lives of half the universe. Trillions of lives of the innocent for mine alone. You've made the choice before and it was the right one."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________________"I regretted it,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________________"Actions speak louder than words. Always. You can say... anything you want,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________________"Loki..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________________"I'm not mad at you, Thor. If that's what you're worried. Like I said, I understand. I just don't want you to keep blaming yourself forever,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

________________________________________"Of course, I _am _blaming myself. I was the one letting my own brother die!" Thor's voice rose to shouting. Another wave of guilt knocked him over when he saw Loki flinch at his sudden loss of temper. Thor thought he couldn't hate himself more than he already did, he was, well, wrong.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________________________________"I'm sorry," Thor messaged his throbbing temples with two fingers. He'd said that quite a lot in the last couple days, perhaps more frequently than he did his entire life. He was... once a man who didn't apologize._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________________________________"I —"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________________________________"I think you should leave," Loki cut him off. His voice shook and he wasn't looking at Thor now. Suddenly he looked... small._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________________________________Thor blinked. "Loki, I'm —"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

__________________________________________"I just... want to be alone. Please," it was the vulnerability in his eyes, the fear and desperation. And Thor was desperate to ask, _'are you afraid of me now? Are you afraid I'm going to have you killed again?' _But he couldn't say those out loud. Not without shattering the already broken pieces within them into even smaller ones.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____

____________________________________________In the end there was nothing more Thor could do, at least for now, when he, without meaning to, nearly — if not already — damaged his already broken brother further. "All right then, I'll... I'll go," Thor got on his feet. He was tempted to tuck that loose strand of hair behind Loki's ear, but thought better of it. When he left he made sure to close the door quietly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________________________________Late at night, in his bed, lying awake under the moonlight filtering through the thin curtains, Thor thought — of the possibilities and outcomes — and learned he had two options which, if made the wrong choice, could end ugly. The first being him giving Loki spaces, which could either result in things getting better as time went by, or it could result in another... tragic incident (probably the way to put it) The last time Loki wasn't okay and Thor left him be, he ended up deliberately letting himself fall of a bridge as a way to commit suicide, only that he survived, but gravely wounded still, physically and mentally (although mostly mental.) Thor tried not to dwell too much on that.  
The second option being him confronting Loki and them actually talking. Easier said than done. Loki was ridiculously good at fleeing when he felt trapped. Thor going ahead and cornering Loki into having the conversation he obviously resented would almost-absolutely make him feel trapped. And if not careful enough, he might just scare Loki away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________________________________Thor closed his eyes and groaned. It was irritating. He didn't know who he was angry with the most; himself for letting Loki die, or Loki for always having to make everything more difficult than it already was._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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_____________________________________________Fuck it, _he thought. They had had enough of the 'not talking and pretending like everything was fine' in their lives of late that Thor learned it always either ended in disaster or death. His letting the issues go wasn't going to solve a thing, quite the opposite. Although it was probably for the best Thor waited till the morning. The thing was he didn't want to wait. He'd waited long enough when it came to Loki. (That and the tendency, collected by personal experience, of stuff going south when he waited too long.)__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________________________________Thor kicked away the blanket and made, again, for Loki's room right next to his._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________________________________Whatever nerves or anxiety he'd had, about how things might go, turned to dreadful terror when, after letting himself in since Loki wouldn't answer his callings, Thor found himself standing in the middle of an empty room with no sign of a brother whom the Norns had just returned to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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_______________________________________________No. No, damnit, Loki. Don't you dare. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________Thor ran out the house. He didn't know where, exactly, he was going, where he should start searching first. How long had Loki been gone, how many hours? Loki, with the ability to transport himself, could be anywhere. He could be on any planet in all the Nine Realms for all Thor knew._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________Thor stopped to try to cool down the overwhelming emotions, the helplessness eating him from inside out. He had just gotten his brother back. He had just gotten him back. Was this the cruel comeuppance for what he did? Him letting Loki die just so he could get him back then lose him again in this unending circle. Didn't he deserve a second chance, after all?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________Thor would have screamed, or caused a furious storm, hadn't it been for his eyes — both real one and the one given as a gift from the Space Rabbit — catching a shadowy figure of someone's back. That someone was sitting on a large rock on a shore. And Thor never remembered feeling so relieved._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________"It's cold out here," he spoke as a way of alerting Loki of his company before taking a seat on said rock next to him. Right here, with his legs dangling down, Thor could feel droplets from the crashing waves damping the fabric of his pants. That coupled with the scent of the ocean, the soft, cold wind and the glowing moonlight — the hauntingly beautiful image this made, it comforted him in a way Thor couldn't explain how, but he figured it must have put Loki at ease, too. Hence they were both here._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________Loki simply shrugged without actually looking at Thor. At least, his not asking Thor to leave, or leaving himself, was more or less promising. "Frost Giants aren't supposed to be affected by the cold, are they?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________Thor considered what Loki had said, calculating if it was a trap, a test of some sort. Then decided his response wasn't expected._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________"I can't sleep, Thor," his brother continued after a brief pause. He still didn't look at him. Thor, however, glanced at Loki sideway; Loki wasn't looking at anything in particular — he looked tired and he sounded tired. "I had those... dreams. Every night. I was back on Statesman. You were there, too, and Thanos..." he cut himself off in a trailed off voice, clearly unable to finish it, but there was no need to. Thor already knew what happened next. "Sometimes you hesitated, though the results were always the same," _you let me die, _was left unspoken, still it was louder than the sound of ocean waves crashing the shore, crystal clear in Thor's head he wanted to rip open his skull just to silence it. And to think that Loki was willingly talking about this when he all but bolted every time Thor so much as brought up the topic. Thor doubted Loki was even aware he was letting it out. He didn't interrupt, because he feared Loki would simply stop, then whatever progress this was, would be gone.  
"I know I have no right to hold it against you because what you did was the right thing to do. And I cannot be so selfish as to wish you would've done it differently, knowing it would mean the deaths of half the universe,"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________________________________________"Half of the universe died, anyway." Thor's voice dull and grim. _And that was on me. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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_____________________________________________________You should have gone for the head. _Then the Snap. He sacrificed Loki to save others, but they all died because of him, regardless.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________________________________________"But you didn't know that," Loki pointed out. "And there was nothing you could do. There was, however, something you could do when he made you choose. And you did something. You chose. You chose the right choice. The only choice."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________________________________________"It didn't feel like it,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________________________________________Loki chuckled wryly, humorlessly. "You wouldn't have been able to live with yourself with that much blood on your hands, brother. I wouldn't have let you, it'd destroy you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________________________________________"Oh, Loki —"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________________________________________"If I were to be honest, I can't say I'm glad you did what you did, but I'm proud of you. I really am. What you did..." _you letting me die. _"Was brave,"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________"Brave?" Thor nearly choked on his word. "Loki, damnit, I let you —"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________"Yes, Thor, it was brave." Loki was looking at him now, his voice suddenly sharp and shook, like he was fighting back tears, his eyes — even in the dark — glittery and bloodshot. "Selfless, heroic. Not everyone can make such a decision right."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________"Not everyone..." Thor mirrored his brother's words. "If it were you. If you were in my place, on Statesman, what would you have done?" His voice darker than the night sky up above. Loki gulped, because, by the hurt on Thor's face, Thor already knew the answer by Loki's silence. And sure, Loki could lie to spare Thor the guilt — tell him he would have done the same, but they both would know it wasn't true._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________Loki averted his eyes once more. When he next spoke his voice was no longer so sharp, if anything it was hardly a whisper that could have easily gotten lost in the ocean currents. "I'm selfish, Thor, and I know you know that. I would've chosen you because I'm nothing without you. But you without me... we both know you can live without me. You managed —"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________"Loki..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________"Since our childhood," Loki's voice rose a notch. "You have always been fine without me. You were always out with your friends while I was always the one chasing you around just so I could be with you." He hadn't meant to let it slip. He couldn't stop himself now that he was speaking things he thought he'd never be able to say out loud. "I know I'm your best friend, Thor. But the thing is, you're my only friend." Loki quickly wiped away a tear with the back of his hand. Thor, for Loki's sake, made no comment about that and pretended he didn't see it. Loki's words felt like knives driven deep into his heart. He didn't know Loki felt this way, never knew his brother's pain went so profoundly. But maybe it was because Thor never cared enough to see._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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_________________________________________________________Norns, what kind of a brother had I been? ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________________________________________________"Do you think I love you less?" Perhaps it wasn't the best thing to ask in such a situation, but Thor was desperate. Desperate and helpless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________________________________________________"It doesn't matter what I think." Loki's voice was hoarse._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________________________________________________"Of course it matters. You are my brother and I care about you."  
And if Loki shot back with, _'Do you? Do you care about me? Do you love me less?' _Then Thor wouldn't know how he was supposed to respond.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________________________________________________Though Loki simply shook his head wordlessly. "Like I said, Thor, you did the right thing. It was selfless, heroic. That is a compliment."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________________________________________________"I don't want your compliment." Thor could feel the anger threatening to burst out of him. "I don't want you praising me for letting you die!" He stopped the moment it slipped. Too late, of course. Loki flinched and Thor'd just now realized the gravity of his anger management issues. He didn't know why he tended to react to emotions, he didn't know how to deal with, with anger. He hated himself for it, which only made the rage inside him burn brighter. Thor, with a great deal of effort, swallowed down the violence dwelling within. He sighed deeply, taking a moment to get his furiousness under control, or tried to, the best he could. "I don't want you to think your life is a coin that can be spent, because that is not true. Not for me."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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_____________________________________________________________But you did spend it, _a part of Loki protested weakly, a childish part. He, of course, didn't say it aloud. Instead he said, "It was either me dead or half the universe's blood on your hands. I've already told you you wouldn't have been able to live with yourself, otherwise."__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________________________________________________"So you think I'm perfectly okay living with myself with _your _blood on my hands?"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________"I claim no such thing."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________"I was miserable for five years. When you were gone, I was miserable. You're back now, here, with me. And I cannot thank the Norns enough for this — this second chance, knowing I don't deserve it at all. I don't deserve you. But Loki, that didn't change the fact that I didn't... I didn't save you when I could. I could've — should've — protected you. I was supposed to protect you. You are my brother and I failed you again and again,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________"Well," Loki looked away, and Thor hadn't the faintest idea what was going on in his head. "For what it's worth, you didn't fail me. At least I don't see it that way," he looked back at Thor. "I'm here now, am I not? We're together. That's all that matters."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________"Yes," Thor forced himself to say. "I suppose." He pulled Loki into a hug and was somewhat relieved when Loki let him. "Your life is not a coin, and that I did spend it, I am ashamed of myself and I don't expect you to forgive me, for I don't deserve to ever be forgiven,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________"Thor —"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________Thor tightened the hug, and pretended not to notice the way Loki's shoulders slightly shook as he sobbed on Thor's chest. "I don't want you to think I love you less because that is not true. You are my brother and I love you. What happened on Statesman... if I could, I'd die for you a hundred times and more,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________"Brother,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________"Don't," Thor cut him off, softly. Running a hand through his hair. Loki leaned further into him. "Just let me speak," he continued. "There was not a single day went by that I didn't regret my decision. But I promise you. I swear to the Norns and to you, from now on, I will protect you and I will not let any harm come to you anymore. I will not lose you again, no matter what the cost might be."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________Loki tightened his hold on the fabric of Thor's shirt. "Promise?" He asked, and it was the vulnerability in his voice, the hurt, the desperation, the need to believe, that nearly forced a sob out of Thor's lungs._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________"I promise." Thor said with certainty, holding onto Loki like he'd never let him go again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________________________________________________________He'd never let him go again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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**Author's Note:**

> If you folks want more of me, I am also available on [Tumblr.](http://bebx.tumblr.com/) Come chat. The inbox is open there.


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